Looking for Work

By Laurie L. Meador

Looking for work, I try to force myself into boxes that don’t fit. “Must be proficient in Revit, AutoCAD, Photoshop, Sketch-Up…” “The ideal candidate will have working knowledge of (fill in the blank), have XX years of experience, be LEED certified…” “Must be able to: multi-task, work nights, week-ends, and holidays, lift up to 50 pounds, travel, relocate, be able to work in a fast-paced environment, handle interruptions, and solve conflicts calmly and professionally, be licensed, and, although it is implicit, be 25, Caucasian, and male.

My heart beats slower than 40 beats per minute from time to time. Sinus bradycardia it is called. It got down to 26.5 bpm during one overnight test. My oxygen drops to 86% at my home in the mountains. My doctor says that the reason I have extreme chemical sensitivities is because my liver is “overwhelmed.” My adrenal glands are exhausted. I have a permeated gut and Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth. I have autoimmune disorders, depression, and anxiety, although my A1C count dropped into the high normal range from pre-diabetes. Stress is the major contributor to these conditions, along with antibiotics and an improper diet.

“Sit in the sunlight,” the doctors say, in order to get the Vitamin D we all require. My mind propels me down my “To Do” list. As the sun sets, I remember that I forgot to sit in its light.

My body is surrendering, bit by bit, sending up the white flag(s), throwing in the towel(s). It is wildfire season in my body. I have been doing (almost) everything I know how to, or have been told to do, but I have bills to pay, pride to vanquish. There is fear to fight. I need a purpose.

And so, on this Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, I get the telegram from the Kingdom (with a capital “K”). I see the path I need to take, although it is not anywhere near the ideal money-maker-for-the-corporation positions listed. I need to take the time to sit in the sunlight, reconnect with nature, and consider the birds of the air. (Believe.)